Michael Sata, the “Re” President

Many Zambians have been condemning President Michael Sata for failing to fulfill his promises within 90 days as he constantly swore he would during his massive campaigns. But actually, if you really think about it, he has in fact fulfilled many of these promises in just about that period of time. He has achieved this amazing feat by employing some magical sleight of hand called the “Re” strategy.
Through this innovative and unprecedented strategy, he has already brought some radical “developments” through a number of re’s, including re-namings, re-districting, re-basing, re-provincing, etc. He is the great re- president.
Within the first few days of his 90-day promise, he amazingly gave the country brand new airports, after so many people had complained about the deplorable state of the three embarrassingly small airports that welcome tourists to the country. Except he achieved this by simply renaming the old ones! No work done, just renaming.
He also brought brand new hospitals to the dilapidated health sector in some main urban cities. How did he do this in such a short time? He simply renamed some old hospitals. He has even created new districts and out of his kindness even added a new province – not by actually creating whole new towns with new ultramodern city infrastructure, but by simply drawing a line across one of the provinces, or drawing new lines in other poor districts.
And this wondrous magic has not ended there. Our great president has actually brought us new universities within nearly 90 days. How? Did he create new structures or bring in more qualified professors to teach at new academic institutions? Did he build any new university libraries and brought new advanced books with undergraduate materials? Did he find a way of attracting back the brain-drained Zambian academics to teach at new “institutions of higher learning”? No. He simply renamed some low-level colleges, and attached the name “university” to them. That’s it. Problem solved. The promise of a revolution in higher education was fulfilled within approximately 90 days.
But the miracles of this great man of action did not end there. He dutifully fulfilled his bold promise of bringing the prices of everything in Zambia down by simply doing another “re” trick: He simply “re-based” the Zambian currency. In the same way he had drawn new lines around some districts and provinces, he simply drew a new line before the last three zeroes in the Zambian currency and cut them off. Things that were costing 1 million kwacha were now just 1 thousand Kwacha! Whereas you couldn’t carry 1 million kwacha in your pocket, you can now carry the same value of money in your small pockets: thus was fulfilled the mother of all promises — “more money in your pockets”.
The “re” president was not satisfied with solving healthcare in the capital city through renaming those few hospitals. He is now about to solve the pressing problems in the health sectors of other Zambian towns in Zambia. His ambitious government has just recently announced that they are going to introduce new “UTHs” in many districts of Zambia. The people are happy with such a great investment announcement that could solve all their endless healthcare misery, thus fulfilling the president’s electoral healthcare promises.
Except “the people” have not asked themselves what that means. The acronym “UTH” stands for “UNIVERSITY Teaching Hospital.” Is the PF government about to create new hospitals that are actually attached to new medical universities across the country and are used for advanced medical research and training besides providing more advanced healthcare resources? I am sure not even one of their most loyal sycophants believes that that’s what’s about to happen. My bet is that this will be just another “re” exercise. There will be no new medical staff, no medical researchers or medical students, but there will simply be new names for the same old incompetent “healthcare” death centers. What was Kabwe clinic or hospital will now be renamed Kabwe UTH,  etc, and the people will be happy that their great president has fulfilled even more developmental promises within the remarkably short period of 90 days – or almost 90 days, since you can simply rename the “days” to “months” nowadays.
This clueless government needs to be quickly re-placed.