Satire – a Peep in Sata’s Cabinet Meeting – March 2014

PRESIDENT HE SATA: What is the agenda my Useless MPs, and remind me of your portfolio because I just recently re-re-reshuffled you.

SECRETARY To CABINET: The Exchange Rate your excellence.

SATA: It is good that my money is in dollars. But is it good or bad for Zambians?

MOF (Ministry of Finance): It’s is weak even after I suspended the SI… (Interruption)

SATA: At least somebody didn’t accuse me. Silvia ali kwisa? Has she returned the ZAWA uniform? Iwe Chipuba, why are you late?

MOT (Ministry of Tourism): Your excellence I was… . (Interruption)

SATA: Yama Alex ati shani deficit?

MOF: It is growing Mr. President

SATA: Let it grow up and mature, it will take care of itself. What do we do to the kwacha, I grew the GDP by 25%, no response surely?

VP (Vice-President): My white skin has stopped to do the magic your excellence, I keep giving conflicting theories unconsciously.

BOB Sichinga: We should apologise and then analyse the currency statistics and the breakdown as follows, in 2011 … ..

WYNTER Kabimba: That’s boring, lets investigate the bureau owners, there could be a certain tribal clique involved.

MOH (Ministry of Health): I am worried about the Morning Side bills especially that the nurses I fired are now working there, ready to pounce with surgical knives.

Nkandu LUO: We should camp police officers at the Chief Executive Officers’ houses of all banks, since they have formed a cartel.

MOEd (Ministry of Education): I don’t understand ‘Kwacha depreciation’, what is it in local languages? Kwena Dora Yasila.

FACK (Fackson Shamenda): We froze the wages can’t we freeze the dollar?

SATA: What about you women what are you thinking? No offence Nkandu.

GEAN (Jean Kapata): Ine bakateka, I will just jump on Bloomberg or Moody and uku banyela fye ifisushi (fart) on them.

Mwansa KAPEYA: Let us block websites they are misleading investors

MILES Sampa: Off the record Uncle, We can make use of the talent in my constituency, not the Panga boys, the other ones.

SATA: You have raised very good points, so Yama ABC what course should we take, Tablet boy are you taking note?

ABC (Alexander Chikwanda): I have two options, SI and slander. I have already slandered the lunatics, speculators, and cartels. I need someone to blame.

Chishimba KAMBWILI: Let us blame the opposition

SATA: How useless, I thought you just graduated with a business degree, do you want me to form a COI in your grades? Let us conclude IMF is making too much noise? I need more money from them.

ABC: I will blame Ukraine, the missing plane, Mazabuka riots, the Church and asumbaleas border.

SATA: Are my Chinese friends safe.

ABC: Very safe, Bank of China is taking care of them, moreover we pay them in dollars.

Sata: Our job is done, continue distracting the masses and watch out, many of you will be joining the Effron Lungu, Sebastian Zulu, Given Lubinda, Silvia Masebo queue.

Source : Zambia Reports

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